Why do i attract rubbish men?

I've met ricardo, he is self absorbed and though we were friends and wanted to date me, he invited me to his flat and told me all about his flat, also talked about and his ex girlfriends. I've met my interpreter Mark, on our first pre-date, he talked of his bad childhood, also said he have a whip, hand cuff among other things. I am like oh my gosh, not another one. I've met another friend of mine who said to me, i have a girlfriend. I've never been on a proper date, never had a proper boyfriend who cared about me, i am so upset becos i am 39 years old now. i am really tired and fed up with my low self esteem and the way my life is going. It's like i am not good enough for a good decent man. I've kept myself very busy and that helps me alot. I feel that i will never meet a good decent man becos of my vulnerability becos of my depression. Why is that other women always get dates and i don't? Why do they always invite me to their houses without asking me for a proper date? Maybe i am rubbish after all, I wish i was never born in the first place!